Dear Claire

I am not going to leave my surname for obvious reasons but I would like your help.

My wife had an affair eight months ago and although I have forgiven her, I cannot forget about it. The affair was really both our faults, we were going through a very bad time for over three years when I lost my job and then we went into debt and lost our house. We were shouting at each other all the time and I hit the bottle to try and forget about the situation we were in and that resulted in my wife having an affair. When I found out about the affair we split up for a month but we got back together for the sake of our children, but things have not been right since.

I do love my wife, I love her very much but when she touches me I cannot help wondering if she is touching me or the man she had an affair with and when we go to bed I make up excuses so we do not have to have sex and this really annoys her.

Since the affair we have had sex three times but I did not enjoy it, all I could think about was that someone else has been to bed with my wife and it hurts. I am on the verge of leaving my wife because I do not feel it is right for me to put her through this and I feel maybe I could start afresh as before the affair we had a healthy sex life.

A friend of mine told me to try hypnotherapy to help me forget about the affair or at least to put it at the back of my mind and I would like to know if this would work.

Mike 

Dear Mike

I think its great that you are able to forgive your wife and also wanting to make things right.

Yes Hypnotherapy and also Time Line Therapy tm are brilliant techniques to enable you to release yourself from any hurt and also any other negative emotions linked in with what has happened from the past so that you can free yourself from the emotions and therefore have the relationship and your experiences be the way you want them to be going forward

If you would like to know about these techniques in more depth then please do have a read on my website www.clairehegarty.co.uk

Dear Claire

I keep on shouting and bullying my husband but I do not know why. He works hard, great with the kids but for some reason he seems to get on my nerves. I do love him but I do not know why this is happening. We could be in the same room having a nice time together and then he may say something, it could be anything, like his friend is silly for not going for promotion, and I would just have a go at him for no reason. Sometimes I find his voice annoys me but this has only been going on for the past 12 months. Does this mean the end of our marriage or can our marriage be saved and do you know why this is happening to me and what I can do to stop it.

Lisa

HI Lisa

Of course your marriage can be saved and you are taking the right step in wanting to work out what is causing you to feel this way.

How are you in yourself? Often we do snap and take things out on the people closest to us, often snapping and feeling annoyed with people is a sign that we are out of balance with ourselves and we often may not realise this until we start feeling and behaving these ways

If you take a step back and look at your sleep and eating patterns how are they and have they changed? How is work going for you? How is your social times and are there any areas that you are maybe spending more time on than others? Are you getting enough rest and drinking enough water? Once you take this reflection time you will start to be able to find out the changes you can make, many times often small to readdress the balance and be able to start enjoying your time with your husband again

To Claire 

Please can you help me before my marriage breaks up. I have been married for nine years and I love my husband so much, I really do, but during this time I have had nine affairs, most of them lasting no more than two months and normally only lasting around two weeks. My last affair was the longest and that lasted just over two months where he asked me to leave my husband but I said no and we both finished the affair.

It may sound daft saying I love my husband but I do and I would never leave although I know he would leave me if he ever found out about my affairs.

The first affair started in the second year of our marriage and I felt guilty, very guilty. The first affair started after a big argument and I felt unloved so after being given lots of attention at work, one thing led to another but that only lasted one week because the guilt was to strong for me. The next affair felt much easier and although I feel guilty of having an affair, the affair makes me feel young and wanted but I want to stop having affairs because I do not know what I would do if I lost my husband. I have heard the phrase addicted to sex and my best friend has said that what it is but it is not the sex, my husband and me have great sex. Please help me

Jane 

Hi Jane